Monday, January 6, 2014

Things that rhyme with GRUDGE

Humans hold grudges.  Some humans hold on to grudges as if they might win a prize if they refuse to give them up.  Why we do things to ourselves that keep us unbalanced is more of a mystery to me than the secret of life.

I'm not a grudge holder... at least, I don't hold one for very long. But I'm interested in all of the reasons why someone might find themselves attached to a grudge, or all of their grudges.  And while I'm certain there are as many reasons for doing so as there are kinds of grudges, those reasons can be boiled down to exactly..... two.

1. If I let go of this grudge, I'm telling the world that I condone the person/behavior that caused me to feel the grudge in the first place.

2. Forgiving a grudge = weakness

 Two reasons that make the slightest bit of sense, and honestly, that's a stretch.  To me, they don't make any sense at all.  BUT.... humans are hard to figure out. I think this is more related to personality type than anything else, but I will probably never know for sure. This is how I see it though:

Someone (a very WISE someone) once said "Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.)  And THIS makes sense to me.
I've tried holding a grudge,  and I've held grudges for a short time without trying too.  I think it's human to get angry with people for whatever reason and not want to forgive the action that caused that anger to happen. But guess what?  Staying angry with someone isn't hurting them even a fraction as much as it's hurting you.  THEY aren't losing sleep over it.  Perhaps they did once, or twice, but after that, trust me, they had better things to do.  YOU, however, have lost more than a few nights rest because of that grudge.  You, in your new quest to stand your ground, to rise against the injustice that has been done are going to hold this grudge til  death.  THAT will let them know just how much you disapprove of what they did.  Because YOU are right, and they are wrong and letting it go just can not ever happen.   So hold on til death you will.... and it may not take as long as you thought.

You are poisoning yourself.  Plain and simple.  I bet if you've held a grudge for longer than say... ohhh.... a few months, that you have already got health issues that you don't know about.  You've gained or lost unhealthy amounts of weight.  You're suffering from at least one or two stress related issues.  Blood pressure high?  Stomach issues ongoing?  Cant poop right?  (sorry, but it happens).  Find yourself short tempered?  Shaky? Head hurt a lot?  Going to see the chiropractor more than you used to? Can't concentrate?  Got CRS?  Uh huh...  Sure.  go ahead and blame it on  your age, your job, your genes, the weather.... but if you are holding a grudge... blame that first.

And guess what else?  It's not just affecting you.  It's affecting the people who love you too.  A lot.  Trust me, they get it.  They may not agree with you or feel the same anger to the same degree as you do, but they understand human nature.  They will sympathize with you for awhile, perhaps offer you their time and ear for your complaints, frustrations, tears.... but after awhile grudge holders get really hard to live with.  and soon enough, they either let go, or find more like minded people to spend time with.  NOT GOOD!!  Why?  Because not only does misery love company... but miserable company will feed your unhealthy grudge holding like sugar feeds cancer  And honestly, after a few months of grudge holding... you might as well have cancer  Incurable cancer in fact, because after holding a grudge for too long I'm not sure if it's possible to really let it go.  It becomes a part of who you are.  It becomes a very ugly, hard to watch part of who you are.  and it will kill you.... painfully... without mercy.  It. Will. Kill you.

You have told yourself that you can't simply let go.  You're convinced.  But you've fed yourself a lie, and deep inside you know it.  You're a person who has been wronged dammit, and it's an injustice that can not be forgiven, and SHOULD NOT be forgiven by anyone. Period!!  Sorry.  You're wrong.  But not only are you wrong, you're giving the people who love you and the world around you so little credit that it's insulting!!  You think those who love you will think you've dropped your standards.  You think you'll be judged.  You think you'll appear weak and that someone or maybe even EVERYONE will think you now condone the behavior that had you holding that grudge... they were right, you were wrong... and if you can read this and still feel that holding a grudge is worth it, then you're probably a lifer and can't be convinced.  You're already dying because of the grudges toxicity, and you don't even know it.
Here's something else you might not know.... Forgiveness isn't for someone else.  Forgiveness is for YOU.  When we forgive someone, we don't have to announce it.  We don't have to tell them, or anyone else.  We just do it.  Forgiveness doesn't mean we forget either, in case you wondered. You could pretend to forget it if made you feel better, but I think people who say they forgive AND forget are full of crap.  we forgive because we are human.  We forgive because no matter how mad we are and no matter how well we think we know someone, we have no idea why they do what they do. We forgive because if we choose not to, we sit in judgment of them, and in doing so announce to the world that we are better than that person we choose not to forgive. And that, is just sad.  Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to go back to the way things were before we were hurt, or someone we love was hurt.  It doesn't mean we have to pretend like nothing happened.  It simply means we refuse to be poisoned by hatred and  we refuse to die to a desire to look or feel superior to another human regardless of how bad we hate what they did.  And in spite of what you've told yourself, forgiveness is not impossible.  It's not even difficult.  Be human, get mad, get angry, feel hurt, and then let it go.  Let God figure out how justice gets served... let karma do its thing, because it will and neither karma nor God need our help.  And if you get to witness God, or karma or the Universe rain some hell down upon the one who hurt you it's not un-human to feel a little satisfaction, and it's not un-human to feel a little guilt either.  But dwelling on either of those things will keep you so unbalanced that you may have a skewed view of happiness as a result, and thats just the beginning of why it's not good.

Don't let me tell you what to do.  But if you need to forgive someone for something why not do it and get on with the business of living your life?  You owe it to yourself don't you think?

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