Grabbed this one out of hiding and dusted it off a bit... it fit today for reasons that I won't bore you with, but it was a good reminder for me and mentally a good place to get to... maybe you remember it, maybe not so much. Either way, I believe it's a timeless concept ~ When I wrote the original (and a little different) I was in a different frame of mind, and today as I re- read it, it brought a whole different thought process to a completely different scenario ~ enjoy.
Life is hard sometimes. But I tend to do a good job of making it twice as hard as it needs to be on a pretty regular basis. I over-think everything. I analyze the crap out of the most ridiculous things. I'm very good at making a mountain out of a molehill when it does the least amount of good, and sometimes the greatest amount of damage. Welcome to my emotionally charged day! :D
There's a very fine line between being jaded/suspicious and being cautious about who you decide to let into your personal world, and that line has been crossed and re-crossed so many times in my life I lost count. I'm still learning that one, and in the process I've been burned a time or two. I'm still trying to sort out the lessons, which are inevitable as well, and lead me to believe that the people in our lives aren't completely our own choice. God sends people in to teach us, bless us, and love us. And one might tend to think that when God sends someone to us they must be a highly trusted and stellar individual. Why wouldn't we? But in my experience, the truth has been a bit warped in comparison to the ideal. Sometimes they're not a pleasant experience by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes they make us look like fools. But ALWAYS they are sent to teach us something, and hopefully you will read the rest of this with that thought in mind.
For several years now I have been trying to spray the dirt and crap off of what I thought might be a true gem. I have continually come up empty handed, but I am having a hard time walking away. Hmmm. what is the definition of insanity again? Oh yeah.. to continue to do the same things over and over again, expecting different results.
Are you familiar with the term "Polishing a Turd"? I used to have a friend who was a turd polisher. Yep, that's what I call her. In fact, that's what she calls herself. She can take a piece of crap be it a house, furniture, car, or human being and polish it up so that it looks amazing. Now all of that is awesome when it comes to the non human things. But not so much when the humans come in to play. Sometimes a turd is a turd no matter how much you scrub it up.
My particular turd isn't ever going to change. I think I can see that rather clearly right now. So where to go from here? Learn to love this turd you say? Hmm. I already do love it. That's part of the problem. Not a deep love like the way I love my boyfriend, or my children... more like a very naughty pet. You love the pet, you couldn't take it to the pound for anything. But much of the time (at least every other day) you wish it was the neighbor's pet or maybe belonged to someone that lived across town.
I think what I'm supposed to do here is change the way I see the turd. I'm casting it in a very negative light for sure. Perhaps I need to give it less significance in my life while still acknowledging that it needs to be here. I'm not sure, but pounding it out on the blog helps a little. I can see that I'm the one who needs to make the change. I'm pretty sure the turd doesn't mind things the way they are at all..... As always~ thanks for stopping by!